courAGE!

With my birthday this week, I'm halfway between 65 and 70 -- an interesting time to recall my reactions when, in my early thirties, I discovered the magnificent drawings of 20th century artist/activist Kathe Kollwitz.

In addition to her powerful works on behalf of the dispossessed, she drew self-portraits throughout her life. The early ones show a frank fresh-faced girl with deep intense eyes. The later ones, like the one above, show -- well, the inevitable sagging chin line and wrinkles. I can remember (so long ago!) thinking, "Wow. That took a lot of courage."

I haven't as consistent a personal record to look back on, but inevitably I've made many self-portraits in my time. (After all, one reason artists do self-portraits is to make use of a convenient model who's not likely to complain, "But you made my nose too long."). In learning to draw, I made this one in my early thirties.

Another surviving self-portrait recalls my early forties:

And this one, also from my forties, was intended as the study for a painting that never materialized:

Surely I must have done a self-portrait some time in my fifties, but nothing surfaced in my studio clean-up.  In my sixties, though, I've painted two self-portraits. This one, "At 60 in Favorite Shirt" has been described by a friend as "a bit grim."

And so the next year, I painted one that's a bit more mellow, in which I reflect on and reflect my own "Gemini Split."

Is there another self-portrait, drawn or painted, in my future? No doubt -- since the temptation is always there. But in my mid-sixties, would I really have Kollwitz's gumption? In looking at one of my best "classical realist" drawings (shown below) -- also from my thirties -- I've had the idea that maybe I'll draw this same pose again and let my forearm and hand show the changes of three decades. All it will take is a little courage.